If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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