Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize