Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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