is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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