if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
