He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
