my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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