do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
