Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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