Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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