Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
