Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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