saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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