Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
