you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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