the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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