i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
