I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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