Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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