Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize