check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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