She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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