C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
