What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize