Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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