yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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