OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my poor anus
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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