sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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