Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
