whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
