Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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