woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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