Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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