my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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