I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
