I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
