So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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