Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
