could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Randomize
