it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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