**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
