You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
