just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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