I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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