So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
