She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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