Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
