I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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