I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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