So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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