the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
