"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
