i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize