oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
