Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
