There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
