mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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