hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I look better un-naked...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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