do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
