Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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