I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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