Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
not ubering you a puppy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
