You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
