did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
