Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
