so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
