the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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