thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
