Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
