dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We have so much sex to catch up on
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
