i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
