I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So vagazzling was a success
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
