what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
