I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
