the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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