Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
