Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
