Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
