Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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