My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
