Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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