he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
