Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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