How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
