you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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