Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
