i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
