Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
